


Prayers

by IntrovertedHappiness



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Male Character, Trans!Logan, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 12:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17162297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrovertedHappiness/pseuds/IntrovertedHappiness
Summary: Trans male Logan asks God to fix him.





	Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Sorry for not uploading anything in a long time whoops. This fic is based off the slam poem by Lee Mokobe about being Transgender!! Hope you enjoy!!

The first time Logan murmured a prayer was in a glass stained cathedral. Drooped over the pew, hands together, eyes closed tightly in concentration, he tried to speak to God. Starting with “in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, dear God…” and going into his prayer as he had been taught to do. And what did little seven-year-old Logan ask of God that day? What did he mutter to himself and the saints in that lonely cathedral that day?

_“In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, dear God… Please fix me.”_

Logan didn’t want to be this way. Not after he had heard some churchgoers in the corridors whispering about how people like… him were bad. At home that night, he brought it up with his parents. How he felt… different. Bad different. Like this body he was born into just wasn’t… right. Like he was wearing a clothing size too small, like he was a puppet being control by something out of his control. Like… he was a… a shame to God.

His parents introduced him to the word.

“Transgender,” they suggested, though not with hatred or disgust. “Tell us how you feel.”

So Logan described it the best way a seven-year-old could. He talked, and he wrote and drew how he felt. The thing that actually made his parents take him seriously is when he came to them one day, drawing in hand. It was a picture of himself, with short hair and a tie. He was trapped inside a pink cage, under lock and keep. It was then they told him that he could be whatever he wanted to be. Logan confidently said,

“I want to be a boy.”

And it was so. He was astoundingly lucky to have such accepting parents. Snapback hats, toothless grins, using skinned knees as street cred. He was it. He was a boy. Others entertained him with playing along. Called him Logan, though refusing to use he/him. Called him a toyboy. But as he reached middle school, the boy phase was no longer deemed cute. There were longing aunts telling him how they longed to see his knees in the shadows of skirts. There were slurs and names he did not even know at school.

They called him a lesbian, but… he wasn’t a girl. And one day, Logan wanted to make this fact known. He was in the lunchroom when a bully came up to him again. Started calling him names he did not want to be called- rude names, terrible names that Logan would never repeat to anyone. And, when they called him a lesbian once more, Logan broke.

“I am NOT!” He- a seventh-grader, yelled in the bullies face. “I AM NOT! DON’T CALL ME THAT BECAUSE I DON’T EVEN LIKE GIRLS AND IM NOT EVEN ONE MYSELF!”

The whole school knew by the end of the day.

Next summer, they moved.

Logan learned the keep his mouth shut from then on. He fell into a depression. Why couldn’t he just be him? Why was he made this way? What did he do to deserve this? God, please God, just make it end. And suddenly, he was praying for it to all end. For God to take him the heaven- or to hell, whichever he deserved. He wanted it to be over.

It took years for him to finally come out to a friend named Patton, whom he had met in ninth grade. By the time Patton knew he was Trans, they were both in college. Logan had already been on T when he met Patton, so he had to go through the questions of “so you want to be a girl?” and explain that no- he had been acting like a girl for enough of his life. He would not anymore.

The day Logan got to see himself after top surgery was grand. By then out of college and living with his boyfriend, Virgil. Patton and his own boyfriend, Roman, lived nearby and would often bring them baked goods. It was no different the day Logan arrived home from his hospital stay. In fact, when he arrived home, there was a huge party set up for him. And, though Logan wanted nothing more than to sleep, he made his way through the rest of the day with his friends.

He remembered the day he sat in the pew, praying for God just to fix him. He remembered all the sleepless nights of wanting it just to be over and done. And he compared them to now. Maybe he was finally fixed, maybe he just didn’t care… Maybe God had _finally_ listened to his prayers. 


End file.
